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another, again and again. I could only stare.
"Somebody who owns a tea shop gave me this as a
parting gift. There are all sorts of herbal teas, barley teas,
Chinese teas, too. The names are written on the packages.
Something to fill your thermos with. I hope you like
them."
MOONLIGHT SHADOW
. . Thank you, so much," I said, hesitant, pleased.
"Not at all. It was my fault you dropped yours in the
river."
The afternoon was clear and bright. The light illuminat-
ing the streets was so vivid it almost made one's heart ache.
Clouds moved slowly, dividing the city below into patches
of light and shadow. It was a peaceful afternoon. The
weather was so tranquil that it almost made me forget I had
any problems at all aside from the fact that my nose was
stuffed up and I could taste only a hint of what I was drinking.
"By the way," I said, "how did you get my phone
number, really?"
She smiled. "I told you. That was the truth. For a long
time I've been on my own, moving around from place to
place, and I developed this ability to just. . . sense things,
calmly, like a wild animal. I don't remember exacdy when
that started, but... So I thought to myself, Satsuki's phone
number is . . . ? And when I dialed, I just let my fingers
move naturally. I usually get it right."
"Usually?" I smiled.
"Yes, usually. When I'm wrong I just apologize, laugh,
and hang up. Still it makes me ashamed of myself." Urara
laughed cheerfully.
I wanted to believe she got the number that way rather
than by other, more normal methods. That's the effect she
had on a person. Somewhere deep in my heart I felt I had
known her long ago, and the reunion made me so nostalgic
I wanted to weep tears of joy.
"I want to thank you for today. You've made me as
happy as a lover," I said.
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banana yoshi mot o
"All right, then, here's a word from your love
that cold by the day after tomorrow."
"Why? Oh, is it the day after tomorrow? The something
to see?"
"Precisely. All right? You mustn't tell anyone else."
Urara lowered her voice a litde. "The day after tomorrow
come to the place where we met the other day by no later
than four fifty-seven A.M. If all goes well you may see
something."
"What is this something? What kind of thing? Some-
thing invisible?" I couldn't hold back a flood of doubts.
"Yes. But it depends on the weather, and also on you.
Because this is a very subde matter, there are no guarantees.
Still, and this is just my intuition, I think there's a profound
connection between you and that river. That's why I'm
sure you'll be able to see it. The day after tomorrow, at the
time I said, in that place, if a number of conditions are met,
you may be able to see a kind of.. . vision, something that
happens only once every hundred years or so. I'm afraid
'may' is the best I can do."
That explanation didn't really clarify much, either. Still,
I was deeply thrilled, something I had not felt in a long
time.
"Is it a good thing?"
"Yes... Not just good, though priceless. That's up to
you."
That's up to me.
Just now, when I'm so weak, with no strength to defend
myself. . .
"Yes," I said. "I'll be there."
130
MOONLIGHT SHADOW
* " "
The connection between me and the river. Even with my
heart beating wildly, my mind shouted out an impromptu
yes\ The border between my country and Hitoshi's that's
what the river was to me. When I thought of the bridge,
it was always with Hitoshi standing there, waiting for me
to come. I was always late; he was always there before me.
When we said good-bye, it was there that we parted, he
going to one side of the river, me to the other. The last
time was that way, too.
"So," I had said, "you're going over to Takahashi's
house after this?" I was still happy then and had a healthy
plumpness that I've lost now. This was our last conversa-
tion.
"Yes, after I stop off at home first. We haven't gotten all
the guys together in a long time."
"Give them my regards. But I know what you all talk
about when it's just guys."
"Anything wrong with that?" He laughed.
We had done nothing but have fun that whole day and,
a litde tipsy, we walked along laughing and joking. The
bitingly cold night road was splendidly colored by the
starry sky overhead, and I was lighthearted. The wind
stung my cheeks, the stars twinkled. Our hands, joined in
my pocket, palms touching, felt very warm and soft.
Then, "Oh," he said, as if suddenly remembering some-
thing. "But I swear, I'd never say anything bad about you!"
He was so touchingly funny as he said it that I had to bury
my face in my muffler to stifle my laughter. To have loved
BANANA YOSHIMOTO
each other this much for over four years, I thought, isn't
it marvelous. That me seems ten years younger than I feel
now. The faint sound of the river reached our ears; the
moment of our parting was approaching.
The bridge. That bridge was where we left each other,
never to meet again. The river roared, and the cold wind
was like a slap in the face. Amid its vivid thundering, under
the sky full of stars, we exchanged a short kiss, and thinking
how much fun that winter vacation had been, we parted,
smiling. The tinkle of the bell disappeared into the night.
Hitoshi and I both cherished that sound.
We had horrible fights and we both had our little out-
side flings. We suffered from the changing balance be-
tween love and desire. Children that we were, we hurt
each other many times over. So it isn't that we were always
as happy as we were that day; our times together were
often painful. Still, it was a good four years, and that day
was an unusually perfect one for us, so much so as to make
us fearful it would end. Of that day in which everything
was just too beautiful in the transparent winter air, what I
remember most is the sight, when I turned back to look,
of Hitoshi's black jacket melting into the darkness.
That scene is one I cried about over and over again. Or
rather, whenever I recalled it, the tears would flow. I
would dream of myself crossing the bridge, chasing after
him and calling out, "You mustn't go!" In the dream,
Hitoshi would smile and say, "I didn't die after all, because
you stopped me."
Sometimes the memory would come to me in the mid-
dle of the day, and I would manage not to break down in
MOONLIGHT SHADOW
public -- but what good did it do me? I felt he had gone
somewhere endlessly far from me, and my stoicism only
made the feeling worse.
When I parted with Urara, that "something" I might be
able to see at the river was, for me, half joke, half hope.
Urara, beaming, disappeared up the street.
Maybe she's just telling me some weird kind of He, I
thought, but I wouldn't even mind if, bright and early, I
ran there, chest pounding, only to make a fool of myself.
She had shown my heart a rainbow. The thing was. . . she
had reminded me that I could get excited over something
unknown, and a tiny window opened in my heart. Even
if nothing happened even if it turned out to be just the
two of us watching the sparkling glints off the cold, flow-
ing river it would feel good. It would be enough for me.
That was what I was thinking as I walked along, holding
my thermos. On the way to get my bike where I'd left it
at the station, I spotted Hiiragi.
There he was, in the middle of the street, wearing his
regular clothes. He must be skipping school, I thought,
which made me smile.
It wasn't that I was hesitant to run up to him and call his
name it was just that because of my fever I couldn't
muster the energy, so all I did was walk toward him with-
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