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"What you're doing is so unfair I could scream."
"I wish you would."
"Why? So I'd fit your picture of what a woman's supposed to do? Damn it, I was
a Captain when you met me; I didn't think that was so important to you."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm talking about the fact that if I leave here now, it's all over between
us. Because I won't wait for you to come along to keep me safe."
"'I don't know what you're-"
She did scream then, and it felt good. She could even manage a bitter laugh
when it was over. It had startled Bill. Gaby stuck her head in the door, then
vanished when Cirocco did not acknowledge her presence.
"Okay, okay," she said. "I'm over-reacting. It's because I lost my ship and
have to make up for it by covering myself with glory. I'm frustrated because I
haven't been able to put this crew back together and get it functioning, even
to the extent of having the one man I thought I could depend on respect my
decisions, shut up, and do what he's told. I am one odd critter; I know that.
Maybe
I'm too aware of things that would be dffierent if I was a man. You get
sensitive when you see it happen over and over on your way up, and you have to
be twice as good to get the job.
"You disagree with my decision to go up. You have stated your objections. You
said you loved me. I
don't think you do any more, and I'm very sorry things turned out this way.
But I order you to wait here until I return, and say no more t 'o me about
it."
His mouth was set in an uncompromising line.
"It's because I love you that I don't want you to go."
"My God, Bill, I don't want that kind of love. "I love you, so hold stil
'while I tie you down.'What hurts is that it's you doing it. if you can't have
me as my own woman, able to make my own decisions and take care of myself, you
can't have me at all."
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"What kind of love is that?"
She felt like crying, but know she didn't care. "I wish I knew. Maybe there's
no such thing.
Maybe one has to be taken care of by the other, which means I'd better start
looking for a man whorl be dependent on me because I won't have it the other
way. Can't we just care for each other?
I mean, when you're weak I help out, and when I'm weak you support me."
"It looks like you're never weak. You just said you can take care of
yourself."
"Any human being should. But if you think I'm not weak, you don't know me. I'm
like a little baby right now, wondering if you're going to let me leave here
without a kiss, without even wishing me good luck."
Damn it, there went a tear. She wiped at it quickly, not wanting him to accuse
her of using tears as a weapon. How do I get in these no-win situations? she
wondered. Strong or weak, she would always be on the defensive about it.
He relented enough for a kiss. There seemed little to say when they moved
apart. Cirocco could not tell what his reaction was to her dry eyes. She knew
he was hurt, but did that hurt him more?
"You come back as soon as you can." "I will. Don't worry too much about me.
I'm too mean to kill."
"Don't I know it."
"Two hours, Gaby. Tops."
"I know, I know. Don't talk about it, okay?"
Whistlestop looked even larger than before, sitting on the flat plain to the
cast of Titantown.
Ordinarily the blimp never came lower than treetop level. It had been
necessary for all the fires in town to be extinguished to persuade him to come
to ground.
Cirocco looked back at Bill, standing on his crutches beside the pallet the
Titanides had used to carry him out. He waved, and she waved back.
"I take it back, Rocky," Gaby said, teeth chattering. "Talk to me. "
"Easy, girl, easy. Open your eyes, will you? Watch where you're going. Oops!"
A dozen animals had queued up inside the blimp's stomach, like subway
passengers impatient to get home. They tumbled over each other getting out.
Gaby was knocked down.
"Help me Rocky She said it desperately, risking only one quick glance up at
Cirocco.
"Sure." She tossed her pack to Calvin, who was already inside with Gene, and
lifted the other woman. Gaby was so tiny, and so cold.
"Two hours."
"Two hours," Gaby repeated, dully.
There was a quick pounding of hooves, and Hornpipe appeared at the open
sphincter. She grabbed
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Gaby's arm.
"Here, small one," she sang. "This will help you through your troubles." She
pressed a wineskin into Gaby's hand.
"How did you know ... " Cirocco began.
"I saw the fear in her eye and remembered the service she did me. Did I do
right?"
"You did maryelously, my child. I thank you for her." She didn't tell Hornpipe
about the wineskin in her own pack, brought along for just that purpose.
"I will not kiss you again, since you say you will return. Good fortune to
you, and may Gaea spin you back to us."
"Good fortune." The opening closed silently. "What did she say?"
"She wants you to get blasted."
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"I already had a drink or ten. But now that you mention it ... "
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