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hair out of his eyes was an arresting sight, and he damn well knew it. At the moment, though, it kind of
pissed me off.
Benji cleared his throat and touched my elbow. See ya Monday, Jacqueline.
I smiled at him. Have a good weekend, Benjamin.
He winked at me and bumped by Kennedy without apology.
What s his deal? my ex scowled.
What do you really want, Kennedy? I shifted my backpack and stared up at him, conflicted by
my contradictory desires in that moment. I wanted to punch him in the face. I wanted to fall into his
arms and wake up from the nightmare of him casting me aside.
I d like for us to be friends at the end of this. You mean a lot to me. The gentleness in his eyes
was almost a physical caress. I d known him so well, and for so long.
This speech was unanticipated too much, too soon. My eyes teared up. I don t know if I can
ever do that, Kennedy. And I don t want to drive home with you next week. Excuse me. I edged
around him and started up the aisle to the door.
Jackie
It s Jacqueline, I said without turning, leaving him behind.
***
Landon,
I m sending this a little early, though of course I don t imagine you re sitting around on a Friday night
waiting for economics projects to pour in. But I m going to be busy tomorrow morning, so I thought
I d go ahead and send it.
Thank you again for looking it over before I turn it in.
JW
Jacqueline,
As a matter of fact, you ve distracted/saved me (temporarily, at least) from an infuriating search for a
bug somewhere within hundreds of lines of code that doesn t quite work. I d much rather look over
your econ project. I ll have it back to you by Sunday evening, if not sooner.
LM
I stared at the L of his signature, picturing him as the guy I knew he was Lucas. As Landon, his
flirting had been subtle; as Lucas, it was overt. What game was he playing? I had no way of knowing
if this situation was a first for him, or if he frequently stepped outside of those tutor-student
boundaries. The night we met, that horrible night, he d known who I was. He d called me Jackie, the
name he must have heard Kennedy call me. When I first emailed him for economics help, he must
have known, too, but he gave me no hint.
According to the university s website, restrictions on socializing were to protect or prevent
students from trading sexual favors for grades, or the appearance of such a thing. But Landon was
helping me learn the material, and I was doing the work. When it came to my grade in Dr. Heller s
class, there was nothing improper going on. He knew it. I knew it.
But even consensual fraternization, as Benji called it, was theoretically against the rules.
I could get Landon Maxfield in serious trouble. When he came to my room, I thought he was just
another student in the class, and he d continued that deception.
He d kissed me, touched me, and I d let him. I d wanted him to.
I shut my laptop and stared at my phone. We d made out a week ago. Here, in my room. And
hadn t texted me once since then. I wanted to know why.
Me: Did I do something wrong?
I waited several minutes, looking at photos on my phone many of which included Kennedy. I
wondered if it was weakness that made it tough to delete them, or if I just wanted to keep the evidence
that we d seemed in love that we d looked in love, even while it was all ending.
Lucas: No. Been busy. What s up?
Me: I guess you haven t had time to redo the sketches.
Lucas: Actually, I did one of them. I d like you to see it.
Me: I d like to see it. Is it tacked to your wall?
Lucas: Yes.
Lucas: Listen, I m out right now, ttyl?
Me: Sure
According to his email, he was working on what sounded like a huge CSE project, and
according to his text, he was out partying. I had no idea which was true. I d believe he was blowing
me off& except for this: I d like you to see it. I reread the text, opened my laptop and reread his
email, but felt no closer to figuring him out.
***
Erin came storming into our room at 1:00 am, on her cell. You know what? I think you don t respect
my opinion about a lot of things.
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